I think one of the main lets call them ‘adventures’ I had in London has to do with accommodation. When I moved here two years ago to embark on my new career, I could neither afford nor did I want to live on my own. In this big city I thought house sharing would be the quickest way to meet people, and get to know London. In these two years I ended up moving 3 times, have lived in 3 different boroughs and have experienced life both North and South of the River. I have been in a lodger in an ex-council flat, a tenant in a fancy yet freezing terraced flat, and finally a head tenant/pseudo landlady in a modern cosy (I am never moving again so will love it) flat.
The house hunting bit in itself was stressful, as much as I enjoy nosing about other peoples houses, and seeing how others live, the worry that I may end up tied to a 12 month lease with druggie/loud music at 1 am loving/rude/smelly neighbors always weighed heavily on my mind. Yet I have been rather fortunate, in that my ability to ‘thin slice’ has been honed rather well over the years, and my split decisions (which are a requirement when house hunting) have yet to fail me... I say yet, I always worry the monster is lurking round the corner.
Now, whether I was looking for a house share or advertising for a flat mate, I started off down the Muslim route i.e. looking for a Muslim house mate. My reasoning was two fold, I expected (and expectation is the devil by the way) that our lifestyles would be compatible, and as such certain issues would not need to be mentioned, and the other was to avoid conflict. When I first moved here I succeeded in finding a house share where the landlady was Muslim, and the other housemate was not. I got on famously with both of them, and I am still great friends with the landlady (I think I see as much of her now as when I lived with her), but here was where expectation failed me. My concept of ‘no boyfriends’ got convoluted in my head to ‘no boys’ (as in spending the night), since I did not see why it mattered to me what relation the boy sleeping in the room next door had to the girl sleeping next door? But I discovered that this is not an opinion that is shared by many women (including Muslim women), so both housemates had their (may I add pleasant and polite) brothers to stay (for may I again add, a short period of time). I never complained as it wasn't against the preset house rules, and it was very rarer anyway. But I decided that for next time I would clarify this point, just in case they had brothers who liked to visit more often, and who were not very nice.
My next move was with my brother, so naturally we had expectations of each other, and being siblings neither of us felt obliged to honour them. So that was that, we had big arguments, resolved nothing then promptly laughed at ourselves and (largely) forgot about it. If anyone knows of a better way of sibling interactions please do let me know. We had decided on a flat that was equidistant from our workplaces, which still left me facing a daily hour commute to work each way. Initially I enjoyed it and finished quite a few books, but after a while, believe you me, it becomes tedious. Especially with all the delays, sudden cancellations and being dropped off 3 stops before yours in a flipping snowstorm (well it was a storm by London standards). So when he left for sunnier pastures, I immediately started looking for somewhere within walking distance of my office. While flat hunting if I had to so much as LOOK at a tube to get to work that flat was crossed off the list. I saw some lovely flats in the skankiest of places (anyone fancy living between 2 flyovers?), beautiful flats which were out of my budget which the estate agent wanted to rub in my face, and really awful flats which were being rented out at £1000+ a month simply because of ‘location’. By this time I was looking for a flat, not a houseshare, because I wanted the perfect place and planned on then looking for a the perfect housemate. I finally settled on a modern flat with lovely views, a secure entrance, and a 20 minute walk from work, a better location than some of the horrid flats I saw. My offer was accepted (you are allowed to put in an offer on a rental, I found this out by accident) and I moved in within two weeks. I hired a mover from gumtree (£55 for a move that was 30 miles across london!), and started looking for a housemate.
I thought that would be the easy part, well naivety is still endearing isnt it? I advertise for months, on the salaam.co.uk forums, on gumtree, on muslim-ads.co.uk, and finally on moveflat.co.uk. I even trawled through the profiles of people seeking houseshares on these sites and contacted those who I thought may be interested in the flat. I tried several different rewordings of the advert, eventually hitting upon the winning formula of less is more, and even withdrew my one and only ‘rule’, the ‘no men to spend the night’ rule. I received a few emails from Muslim women, most wanted a discount which I could not offer, and others ceased emailing after a while (no explanation just silence, which I did not appreciate, I would have preferred some feedback). Eventually I interviewed two women within a few days of each other, the first a Filipina was very reserved and the only time I elicited a reaction (one of surprise) was when I mentioned the men rule and that I was a Muslim, I did not hear from her again. The second was a Portugese lecturer of language, who I ‘clicked’ with straight away. I had been advised by my friend and ex-landlady not to make an offer straight away, but to hedge a bit and say that I would get back to her. This went out of the window, when I mentioned the men rule, instead of humming and saying she could live with it, she was evidently delighted with it! Like me she was uncomfortable with men in the house, and thought this ‘rule’ made it an ideal place for her. She was also very considerate about the fact that I was Muslim, and even asked whether I would mind if she had the odd glass of port or wine in the house! This really impressed me, I do not have an issue with alcohol consumption, and joked that the only scenario I would be uncomfortable with would be someone coming home so drunk she threw up all over the living room! This lady is not that type at all (very clear from her manners), and I offered her the room on the spot and she accepted. Within 4 days she had moved in, and I am really pleased she did, I find her very easy to get on with.
I had prayed alot for a decent person to share the flat with me, and I have heard somewhere that when we make the Istikhara prayer, then if the thing you are praying for is good for you it will happen easily and quickly... certainly worked this time!
If you’re looking for a house mate or a house share check out these websites:
www.salaam.co.uk, on their noticeboard section you will find both accommodation and prospective housemates. The site is run and is targeted at Muslims.
www.moveflat.co.uk, this has the best format, and is targeted at professionals.
Any other suggestions are welcome, and will be added to the list.
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